A very Malu Diwali

Since i believe i’m growing old and senile (people my age think i’m an old man and mothers think i’m too mature!!!!!!!!!!!WTF?) let me recount another one of my life experiences, and as this is a festive season let me make it one about Diwali.

So we had gone to my dad’s native place, he’s malyali you see and his blood runs as thick as coconut oil through my veins. Luckily he left home when he was fifteen so the accents pops in only in every random word and not always 😀 I was lucky that way. As i was saying, going to the malyali motherland, (no not Thubai XD rolf) and as it was going to be Diwali, coupled with the fact that my uncle lives in a rubber farm in the middle of bloody nowhere, we decided to purchase for our perusal a box of the finest crackers.

So we arrived in the middle of nowhere and settled in to our uncles house (Seriously thought its creepy how they build such big houses in the middle of nowhere). We decided to go to the local well for a swim and after that to the canal where we also swam. My uncle’s house is right next to a rubber plantation too. Every morning the rubber tappers used to make little cuts on the trees and make the sap drip into a little cleared out coconut shell. It smelled atrocious!!!!

As we were talking to our cousins we realised that they too had  crackers but the malu variety. What that means to all non malus or emancipated malus everywhere is simply that it was gun powder wrapped up in a banana palm leaf  XD. Funny right?

Wait it gets even better, those things were actually freaking brilliant. It was like actual dynamite and the explosion could and would leave you temporarily(hopefully) deaf and blind. It was the malyali’s answer to the atomic bomb!

My sister always the tom boy at heart burst a bunch of crackers before deciding that it was time to show em what real crackers were. So we opened up our box and my sister took out a krishna chakra. To add to the daredevilry she decided to hold it as it burned away. And she would have succeeded at that too if she had been smart enough to realise that it would burn her hand if she didn’t move it 😛

And she did too, but unfortunately it was a little too late, so she simple threw it into the plantation grounds.

Few facts that you need to know before i can proceed with the story,

1. Its true that Kerala is particularly hot and humid.

2. We were there during the dry season so it was just hot

3. Trees have a habit of shedding leaves

4. Shed leaves tend to dry up

5. A rubber plantation has a lot of expensive trees that shed a lot!!! It forms an entire bedding of it.

6. As we all know dry leaves catch fire, and as we’re in the middle of nowhere water isn’t exactly the easiest thing to come across.

Good, now that i’ve cleared the air lets proceed.

SO the  chakra fell on dry leaves and before we knew it there was a moderate sized fire brewing and spreading cause of all the damn leaves. We ran to fetch water to put it out and my cousins for some reason decided to bring them in coconut shells! Real inspired moment that one was i’m guessing wanting to put out a fire with a thimble full of water!!

Things looked bleak and we were screwed. My sister, the bravest woman in the world, then did what none of us had the intestinal fortitude to do. She SAT on the FIRE!.

And i’ll be damned if it wasn’t doused just like that. My braniac cousins then show up and douse my sister with the coconut shell full of water 😀 rolf

We decided never to speak of the matter again but every Diwali we always shared a private joke about it.

Happy Diwali

p.s – No sisters, trees, cousins or coconut shells were harmed during the making of this blog, well not so much that they can sue me anyway, so bite me 😀